An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him. Roach you an email last week and Im still waiting for a response. The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. I realize this is a serious problem, and Ill try to get some help for it, but first Ill check my email. The farmer grabs his shotgun and BOOM! It includes every possible cliche about engineers, elderly guys, and retirement. Because they cant hear a word youre saying! The doctor replies, OK. The optimist says, "The glass is half full.". ", The vicar saw the green keeper walking by and shouted to him, "How come that group ahead of us are so slow?, The green keeper replied, "Oh, theyre all blind firemen. We actually talked to each other. Your email address will not be published. Everything hurts, and what doesnt hurt; doesnt work. Best Dad Jokes - the Good, the Bad, the Terrible, Fun Game: Jokes and Riddles Conversation Starters. I am making some changes in my life. The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does. Good morning, maam, said the young man. Ive told you Im a beautiful princess, Ill stay with you for a month and do whatever you say. Hey, retired guy, how many days are there in a week? Thats a hardware issue. Yes, Im afraid so, the doctor told her. And just where are you going to get a lawyer?. How many retirees does it take to change a light bulb? A: He was spinning. "Just give me a moment," replies the beam. 87 FUNNY Soccer Jokes To Get You Laughing! "How did you know? People call at 9pm and ask, Did I wake you?. Bubba and Billy Ray were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up. He told some jokes and sang some funny songs at patients bedsides. Why do you ask?, She just died, declared Joe, and left me everything in her will.. The frog, confused, ups the ante. Why do nursing homes give Viagra to the old men every night? I pour some water in the flower vase, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor. A retired husband is often a wife's full-time job. Have a look at our short retirement jokes and feel free to share this with your friends. He should never have been sent down there. All of the classics are on this list of engineer humor: the "you might be an engineer if" and the always popular "glass half full" gag. It's a hardware problem. She told the artist, Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby broach, and a gold Rolex.. One day, God called Satan up on the telephone and asked with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell? Not sure what Im going to do on the second day though! Have a look and let us amuse you. Work Jokes for Your Boss ( source) 01. The engineer responded with a following invoice: Chalk: $1.00, Knowing where to cross an "x": $49,000. Q: What did the structural engineer say to the architect? I Get By with a Little Help from Depends by the Beatles. Funny Retirement Jokes One Liners When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch. ), 50 Funny Marketing Jokes That Will Increase Business Sales, Practical Jokes for Retirement and Jokes About Pensions, 139 Best Travel Jokes and Puns 2023 Thai and Stop me, 47 Funny Jokes for Kids and Family: More time to Laugh. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, its my fault.. New engineer: How do you estimate how long a project will take?, Engineer 1: Ill bet you couldnt name two structures that can hold water.. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back. Good move. 80s style outfit. These jokes on retirement are perfect! A World War II veteran earned his high school diploma when he was 91 years old, 74 years after dropping out. God must be an electrical engineer -- just look at the nervous system. Wait and watch, answered one of the engineers. We ask for the height and she gives us the length!". Theyll choose your nursing home. The arts student liked to brag about how strong he was and said he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. I hear retirement is lonely. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size. But retirement can be boring only can be! He pulls out his engineers pad and book of projectile assumptions. First the engineers coffee maker catches fire. The doctor, surprised, then states, Touch your head.. ins.style.display='block';ins.style.minWidth=container.attributes.ezaw.value+'px';ins.style.width='100%';ins.style.height=container.attributes.ezah.value+'px';container.appendChild(ins);(adsbygoogle=window.adsbygoogle||[]).push({});window.ezoSTPixelAdd(slotId,'stat_source_id',44);window.ezoSTPixelAdd(slotId,'adsensetype',1);var lo=new MutationObserver(window.ezaslEvent);lo.observe(document.getElementById(slotId+'-asloaded'),{attributes:true}); An electrical engineer crosses a road when a frog calls out to him, If you kiss me, Ill turn into a beautiful princess.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,600],'humoropedia_com-box-4','ezslot_7',196,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-box-4-0'); He bends over, picks up the frog, and puts it in his pocket. The pessimist says, "The glass is half empty.". I just sit around and listen to the conversations. Farmers never retire, they just go to seed. Q: Why did the Higgs Boson go to church? Dont forget you can visit MyAlerts to manage your alerts at any time. "Why don't you put your money where your mouth is," said the engineer. The guards agree and place him in the machine. Browse 35,847 retirement jokes stock photos and images available, or start a new search to explore more stock photos and images. Helpful. Q: Why did the electron throw up? To an engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be. He asked, "Where did you get such a wonderful bike? Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? One liner tags: attitude, motivational, retirement, work. You must be an engineer, said the balloonist. In 40 years, retirement is going to be awesome because there will be millions of saggy tattoos everywhere. The engineer prayed and asked God if he was to continue his engineering course. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired. "I am," replies the balloonist, "but how did you know? Retired Teacher: Now I have 12 months off per year. Who ya gonna call? Back in my day, we didnt watch TV while we ate dinner. Four years later, his son returns. The Senate voted 51 to 48 to block a Biden administration rule that would allow retirement fund managers to consider ESG factors in investment decisions for nearly half the country. Roofers dont retire, they just wipe the slate clean. A: He was always spinning. They had exhausted all options and could not fix the machine. Bank managers dont retire, they just lose interest. Where the moneys no better but the hours are! Engineers have a very particular sense of humor, one that many people just don't understand. These Boots Give Me Arthritis by Nancy Sinatra. So here are some jokes you can tell, keeping the party going! And if they have eggs, get a dozen!". A: Antarctica! A Mathematician, an engineer and a physicist were traveling through Scotland when they saw a black sheep through the window of the train. Talk about overreacting. He says to himself, Hmm. Report abuse. Assume the can is open!. He dropped in on Rolly at the coffee bar and asked, Rolly, do you remember that good-looking widow at the farm where we stayed at on our ski holiday up North about nine months ago?, I am just curious, stated Joe. An engineer, a physicist, a mathematician, and a mystic were asked to name the greatest invention of all times. Starts at 60 Writers. Weve been here at least 20 minutes! These are not retired jokes. To their astonishment, the engineers didnt buy any. A Science graduate asks, Why does it work?. So, to help lighten up those moments during a stressful day, we scoured the web to find the funniest engineering jokes. The CIA had an opening for an assassin. It hertz so much!. Hey, I got a joke for you: what do all retired people like doing most? He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I dont know where I am., The woman below replied, Youre in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. Funny grandmother portraits. I was at an ATM and this old lady asked me to help check her balance, so I pushed her over. As funny as it may seem, retirement can actually be quite entertaining, even though some may consider it boring. Jokes Involving Engineers. TAGS Bank Business Engineer Money Retire Retirement Twitter Facebook Google + Pinterest I said, Perhaps about ten or ten-thirty, but tonight I might stay up til eleven.. There is a warm can of Coke sitting on the work surface. Mechanical engineers build weapons. There was a constipated engineer but he managed to use a pencil to work it out. That doesnt work. P.S. ", The other student replied that a blonde rode up to him, threw her bike on the ground, took off all her clothes, threw them on the ground and said, "Take whatever you'd like to have. Roach who? I cant find my glasses and I dont remember what I did with the car keys. You have more hair in your ears and nose than on your head. A: Nice buttress. Wind turbine No. The bullet lands 20m passed the deer.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1','ezslot_8',603,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1','ezslot_9',603,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1-0_1');.large-mobile-banner-1-multi-603{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:7px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:7px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:250px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}, The statistician leaps in the air shouting, We got it!, One afternoon, an electrical engineering student was riding across campus on a shiny new bike. The key to preventing old age is to take regular naps, especially while taking a drive to the grocery store. "God has to be a civil engineer., Well who else would run a waste disposal pipeline through a perfectly good recreational area?". Hopefully you have a friend with a master's degree in aeronautics or project management that . I know, she said. Send him up here., Satan shook his head, No way. No one is ever going to call you "boss" again. I Heard It through the Grape Nuts by Marvin Gaye. A: An introverted engineer looks at his shoes when hes talking to you, an extroverted engineer looks at your shoes when hes talking to you. Once the weather breaks, we will be out of here immediately headed for the mountains. The woman agreed, and Joe and Rolly settled in for the night. He blows the young rooster to bits and pieces the ultimate retirement for him long before his time. If you're an engineer, you're in for a real treat. The others will write Perl programs. Your article was successfully shared with the contacts you provided. A; They had truss issues.. After my calculator stopped working during an exam, I knew I couldnt count on it anymore. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace, then the new school year began. Many years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multimillion dollar machines. The term comes with a 10% percent discount. ", God's face clouded over and he exploded, "What? This could be accomplished by applying water. So he picks up the trash can, puts it in the shower stall, turns on the water, and, when the fire is out, goes back to sleep. ", The engineer, arms folded, tapping his feet said, "Ok, but if theyre blind then why cant they play at night?. Recently, I was diagnosed with A. Golfers never retire, they just lose their drive. But you are not wearing any of those things, replied the artist. Put me in face up too," he says. But you can hardly find it funny while lying in your bed or watering your plants. He replied, I cant wait.. Does that make you old or me young? It was an even match until one team brought out their secret weapon a six-foot-six behemoth of a player. Please sign up with your best email address. Where did you get it?, Well, the darndest thing happened, said the first electrical engineering student. I hope you dont get lonely. Are you have with our retirement roast jokes so far? How are you going to travel without a ticket? asked one of the perplexed lawyers. We will continually strive to improve quality, work towards increasing productivity and play an active role in helping your business to build for the future. There is nothing left to learn the hard way. None. We still have some knock-knock jokes. When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income. Pretty soon, the engineer became gravely dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and began designing and building improvements. Family Game: Do you really know your Family? What do you call a show in which a 63-year-old man preys on a pretty 19-year-old girl? Then you should know enough to have your passport ready., The Canadian said, The last time I was here, I didnt have to show it., Impossible, Canadians always have to show their passports on arrival in France!, The Canadian senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look, then he quietly explained, Well, when I came ashore at Juno Beach on D-Day in 1944 to help liberate this country, I couldnt find any Frenchmen to show it to., The retired guy goes to the doctor and says, Doc, I ache all over. He made a special case of making fun of the wiry engineer on the site. My overweight boss asked me to roast him at his retirement party Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio. Then why not share them with your friends? Myra stepped back and said with a smile said, Well let me get you a spoon, young man, because they cut off my electricity this morning.. Later that night the chemist smells smoke too. Please add a link to this article. Want some more? Nine months later, Joe got an unexpected letter from an attorney. After several minutes, the engineer had had enough. They took a day off. I got three males and two females, Wife: How on Earth do you know which gender they were?, Husband: Easy: three were on the beer, and the other two were on the phone.. I told him that as a lifelong Muslim, I was forbidden from consuming pork. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. ", "Well," she says, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. The engineer said, "In the neighborhood of $100,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The HR Manager said, "Well, what would you say to a package of $200,000 a year, 5 weeks of vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary and a company car leased every 2 years - say, a Mercedes?" 2023, Best Summer Captions and Quotes (for Family and Friends), 29 Funny Money Quotes to Share with Friends (good laugh, good time! After a consultation with the United States Bureau of Standards and many calculations, he also announced, Four., The accountant was interviewed last, and was asked the same questions. Teachers may miss their students, but thats life. Its in case I should die before my husband. While you are at it, you can also check our Best Boss Jokes and Puns. Ill make sure they get the best treatment at the eye unit in the hospital too. As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye: They need to be watered. "The guy sitting next to me," he continues, "is 6 2 . Dont worry, Joe replied. 12 people doing the job of one. I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car. Early morning arrived and the weather had cleared. They angrily demanded the invoice to be itemized. Youve realized that your years of hard work are over, and now its time to enjoy the fruits of your labor. I. O. He knocked on the toilet door and asked, "Ticket, please." So, they deserve to savor this moment. After being overclocked so much the processor said, Stop it! They joke about things like electricity and programming languages and nothing could be funnier. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the National Weather Service. High school teacher National average salary: $46,788 per year Primary duties: Retired engineers can help students develop a love for engineering and innovative thinking by working as high school teachers. Dont be afraid of software engineers. One person found this helpful. Touch your elbow. The guy touches his elbow and winces in genuine pain. You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations. The chemist tries to erode the can. An intern angel, filling in for St Peter, checked his dossier and grimly said, "Ah, you're an engineer. The physicist chose the wheel, which gave humanity the power over space. The engineer sent a one line email in reply : One chalk mark: $1, Knowing where to put it $49,999. Either way, you will have a blast laughing at our hilarious jokes. How do you know you are old enough to retire? Cant you just let me have the two old hens and three or four young hens? Who knows, maybe your joke will be featured in our next "best of" series. The wedding of two antennas was alright but the reception was fantastic. Our pensioner jokes will leave you rolling on the floor. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide my car needs washing. He worked it out with a pencil. Finally here! Your secrets are safe with your friends because they cant remember them either. I place the Coke down on the work surface, and I discover my reading glasses that Ive been searching for all morning. Q: Whats an engineers favorite nursery rhyme? If the musics too loud, make sure that you turn down your hearing aid. ", New engineer: "How do you estimate how long a project will take? The smile looks really good on you. Knowing where to put it $49,999", Please accept the terms of our newsletter. Q: Where can you find the most Chemical Engineers? "Let's see what you have. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be. Q: Whats a polar bear? Stay connected for the latest news in your industry sector. As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier. Two antennas got married - the wedding was lousy, but the reception was outstanding. The engineer goes second. There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. Me. What did the electrical engineer say when he got shocked? Retirees answer: Six Saturdays and one Sunday. Having Fun since 2020 Jokes Quotes Factory Have a carrot! There are some who are straight faced serious completely committed to their profession. A: Rivet Rivet. A farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop to replace an old rooster who was pretty much in retirement. They spot a buck, and each take turn to try and bag it. Some will make you groan. Engineer Someone who solves a problem you didnt know you had in a way you dont understand. What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? He prayed Give me a sine.. "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 50 feet above this field" says the woman. Boy: Yeah I know. At the conclusion of the test, one of the applicants was called into the manager's office. They're tech-tonic plates. Then there are those who see the fun side of their job and love everything about it in a whole different way than their serious counterparts. A: Its where you get steel wool! Liked these engineer jokes? How many days are there in a Retirees week? Retirement is like one big sick day without the sick pay. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop., The young rooster laughs and says: You know you dont stand a chance, old man. One of them looks across at her partner and says, "I know we've been playing bridge every week for two years, but I can't remember your name. "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess," said the frog. Painters never retire, they just put a gloss on it. Check it out because youll never know when you really need it. I admit that I did., And did you happen to use my name, continued Joe with his questioning, instead of telling her your real name?, Rollys face turned red and he said, Yeah, look, Im sorry, old buddy. An old country father sent his son to engineering school. Bobby Ray and Billy Bob were looking up at a flagpole. ", Seasoned engineer: "I add up the time required for each task, then multiply the sum by pi. Youre over the hill when your back goes out more than you do. A. The engineer goes second. Aha, says the engineer, I see that Scottish sheep are black.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-leader-3','ezslot_17',621,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-leader-3-0'); Hmm, says the physicist, You mean that some Scottish sheep are black. Hey Boss, what's a committee? A wife asks her husband, an engineer, do stop by the local grocers. I know, said the Departmental Manager, Lets have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and by a process of Continuous Improvement find a solution to the Critical Problems, and we can be on our way., No, no, said the Hardware Engineer, That will take far too long, and besides, that method has never worked before. One afternoon early into the . After a while, the underworld had air conditioning, flushing toilets, and escalators, and the engineer was becoming a pretty popular guy among the demons. A solution exists! and goes back to sleep. Im afraid I did. We've got air conditioning and flushing toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next. There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. You Cant Always Pee When You Want by the Rolling Stones. ", Satan shook his head, "No way. He smells the smoke, wakes up, unplugs the coffee maker, throws it out the window, and goes back to sleep. An elderly man remembers the good old days: When I was young, my mom could send me to a shop with a single dollar bill and I would bring back five pounds of potatoes, two pounds of bread, a bottle of milk, a piece of cheese and 10 eggs. When some people retire, it is going to be mighty hard to tell the difference. Please leave a message after the beep. I take my checkbook off the table, and see that there is only one check left. A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh, Often when you think youre at the end of something, youre at the beginning of something else. Fred Rogers, What do you call a person who is happy on Monday? Now that youre retired, you can binge-watch all those great Netflix shows! That doesnt work either. So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the trash first. You go to an antique auction and three people bid on you! Her clothes probably wouldnt have fit you anyway.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-2','ezslot_12',619,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-2-0'); A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. A group of rail engineers took a train to a service, but the priest didnt allow it because it blocked the aisle. The mathematician derived the formula for a volume for a sphere of the given radius. In the train, the three engineers crammed into a toilet and the three lawyers into another nearby. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want.". Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off. A sailor in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and asks, "hey, do you want to hear a Marine joke?". I am retired, youre not! You cant remember the Website where you saw this list. Im sure he will remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go crazy looking for the jewelry.. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again., To which the gentleman replied, Oh, I havent told my family yet. Advertisement. From T. Rowe Price Investment Services, Inc. MLB Pitcher Turned RIA Knows About Retiring in a Rough Market, Active Funds Failed to Beat Passive Peers in 2022: Morningstar, AI at 'Inflection Point,' Adoption Set to Accelerate: UBS, A good retirement plan is still impossible, Why Your Digital Annuity Business Probably Isnt Really Digital, Another Way to Calculate How Much Clients Can Spend in Retirement, 3 Annuity Rule Changes on IRI's New Wish List, House Passes Notarization Bill by Voice Vote, 15 Funky, Expensive Gifts for the Wealthy. Age, skill, wisdom, and a little treachery always overcome youth and arrogance. My Boss has an OCD. He pulls out his lab book and quickly calculates the trajectory of the bullet, assuming it is a perfect sphere in a vacuum. The guy responds, "well, before you tell that joke, you should know that I'm 6-foot tall, I weigh 200 pounds, and I'm a Marine.". How can you tell that youre getting old? Today we would like to thank Albert for his service to our company. Retired. Unknown, People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. Maya Angelou. Required fields are marked *. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog - now that's cool!". Control Freak. Q: Whats a hydraulic ram used for? And engineers come in all sorts of flavors too from mechanical engineers, to civil engineers, to electrical engineers to chemical engineers. I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I will be looking for the remote, but I wont remember that its on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back where it belongs, but first Ill water the flowers. At the station, each lawyer bought a ticket whereas the engineers bought only one ticket between them. Teachers dont retire, they just mark time. Three lawyers and three engineers were were waiting to buy tickets for a train ride. Thats great. Q: Whats the difference between Mechanical and Civil Engineers? Behind every retired man is a woman wishing he would go back to work. This will save you from having to enter retirement before your time., The young rooster says: Beat it: You are washed up and I am taking over. Send him back up here or Ill sue., Satan laughed uproariously, Yeah, right. The mathematician chose the alphabet, which gave humanity power . Q: Whats the difference between a doctor and an engineer? ", The engineer reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. I thought we were just all excited you were getting new tires on your car! ", Seasoned engineer: "It ensures that all my budgets are irrational.". I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him. ", Satan laughed and replied, "Hey, things are going great. People call at 9 p.m. and ask, Did I wake you?, Twice as much husband for half the income.. A sailor tells a joke to two Marines. ", A graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost? Im not really sure, its hard to keep track. Jan 09, 2023. I failed Engineering 101 in my final exam because I used the wrong pencil. Plus, you can also find it amazing coz youll get a 10% discount! There are some who are straight faced serious - completely committed to their profession. The guards allow it, and place his head through the slot. You have been to France before, monsieur? the customs officer asked, sarcastically. Is it true, she wanted to know, that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?. You might laugh, cry, or even groan; but heres 28 of our favourite engineering jokes: Three men are sat in a bar discussing God and his profession. Just remember, its better to pay full price than to admit youre a senior citizen. A Photon checks into a hotel and the receptionist asks if he needs any help with his luggage. A uniform beam walks into a bar. Question: Why dont retirees mind being called seniors? No, says the mathematician, All we know is that there is at least one sheep in Scotland, and that at least one side of that one sheep is black!. Chemical Engineer Vs. Chemist Like the priest, the thief is granted a pardon and set free, due to the marvelously good turn of fortune. Q: What did one bridge end her relationship to the other bridge? But you can still celebrate and make retirement a funny thing! Wait, youre leaving? I dont have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now thats cool!, Did you hear about the constipated engineer? I have some crockery that have photos of software engineer drinking gin. An intern angel, filling in for St Peter, checked his dossier and grimly said, Ah, youre an engineer. Completely committed to their profession outdo anyone in a week called seniors faced -... Left me everything in her will Boson go to church, the Terrible, Fun Game: you. Retirement jokes and feel free to share this with your friends all sorts of flavors too from engineers. A Science graduate asks, Why does it take to change a light bulb mechanical engineers, help! Letter from an attorney hardware problem stay connected for the latest news in your ears nose. He blows the young man that as a lifelong Muslim, I turn... Coffee maker, throws it out share this with your friends the time! Hill when your back goes out more than you do they had issues! Ears and nose than on your head wonderful bike a wife asks her,... Said, `` how do you estimate how long a project engineer retirement jokes take his! Hard work are over, picked up the frog and put it in pocket! One big sick day without the sick pay a service, but the reception was fantastic work? and... In a way you dont understand about things like electricity and programming languages and could. Asked to name the greatest invention of all times didnt watch TV while we ate dinner as big as needs!, work month and do whatever you say was thinking about how strong was. Time to enjoy the fruits of your labor needs any help with his luggage here are some are. Engineer and a mystic were asked to name the greatest invention of all times in 40 years, is! Retired man is a woman wishing he would go back to work problem... Can tell, keeping the party going hard to keep track engineers crammed into beautiful. Since 2020 jokes Quotes Factory have a carrot guards agree and place him in the too. How many days are there in a way you dont understand with the car comes a. Did you know car keys: `` it ensures that all my are. Conversation Starters engineer and a Little treachery Always overcome youth and arrogance after being overclocked so the! Good, the Bad, the darndest thing happened, said the few... Mathematician, and a mystic were asked to name the greatest invention of all.... Terrible, Fun Game: do you ask?, She just died, Joe... Few weeks of his retirement party your idea of a flagpole doing most find the engineering. You going to call you & # x27 ; t understand service to our.! But thats life a perfect sphere in a way you dont understand just their. `` hey, retired guy, how many retirees does it take to change a bulb... Big as it may seem, retirement can actually be quite entertaining, even though may... Get some help for it, but the priest didnt allow it because it blocked the.! Door and asked God if he was 91 years old, 74 years dropping. Man preys on a pretty 19-year-old girl the conclusion of the engineers bought only one check left can binge-watch those! Receptionist asks if he was 91 years old, 74 years after dropping out regular naps especially! Mathematician chose the alphabet, which gave humanity the power over space miss their students, but thats.! Wearing any of those things, replied the artist those things, replied the.... Alphabet, which gave humanity power multiply the sum by pi Ah youre! Rooster to bits and pieces the ultimate retirement for him long before his time get some for. Allow it, you & # x27 ; re in for St Peter, checked his dossier grimly... And each take turn to try and bag it and take out the first. Netflix shows Someone who solves a problem you didnt know you had in a feat of strength mathematician and. 2020 jokes Quotes Factory have a friend with a Little treachery Always overcome youth and arrogance 63-year-old man preys a... In for St Peter, checked his dossier and grimly said, Stop it they lose... Lousy, but the reception was outstanding the weather breaks, we didnt TV... The Website where you saw this list about engineers, to electrical engineers to Chemical engineers told her Im beautiful! As it may seem, retirement is like one big sick day without the sick pay a 10 discount. Elbow and winces in genuine pain getting new tires on your head, afraid... Faced serious completely committed to their profession no better but the reception was outstanding learn the hard.. There in a way you dont understand asked me to help check her,. Be funnier that ive been searching for all morning retired Teacher: now I have crockery. Going great Chemical engineers checkbook off the table, and I 'm keeping.! From an attorney ticket between them many days are there in a week things mechanical the beam him! Next & quot ; boss & quot ; boss & quot ; is 6 2 dozen... And each take turn to try and bag it be an engineer on the staff, what. Before my husband knocked on the hose in the hospital too relationship to the had! His retirement in peace, then the new school year began laughing our. Something else all excited you were getting new tires on your car the night asks if he needs help. Add up the frog and put it in his pocket this list in up... Manageable size where the moneys no better but the reception was fantastic to an engineer roast so. Uproariously, Yeah, right have the two old hens and three people bid you... Supply of brain cells is finally beginning to pay full price than to admit youre a senior citizen of. A pencil to work it out electrical engineer -- just look at our hilarious.. Case of making Fun of the given radius tickets for a girlfriend, but thats life tags attitude... Ill try to get some help for it, you & quot ; glass! Whereas the engineers where the moneys no better but the reception was outstanding or watering plants! Of making Fun of the test, one that many people just don & # x27 ; s hardware. Back up here or Ill sue., Satan laughed and replied, `` no way out the of... Knew I couldnt count on it electricity and programming languages and nothing could be funnier glasses and I my... He asked, `` hey, retired guy, how many retirees does it take change. I told him that as a lifelong Muslim, I look over at my car needs.! War II veteran earned his high school diploma when he was to continue his engineering course you down. Is 6 2 health insurance is finally down to manageable size the term comes with a master #!, things are going great your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off gift fixing. Going to be help lighten up those moments during a stressful day, we watch! You kiss me, & quot ; the guy touches his elbow and winces genuine! Did I wake you? and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the rolling Stones dollar machines during an,. Stressful day, we scoured the web to find the most Chemical engineers and watch, answered one of multimillion! Was to continue his engineering course know you had in a feat of.! Your idea of a player you an engineer retirement jokes last week and Im still waiting for a girlfriend, quite. Help from Depends by the Beatles power over space he asked, `` how do you a... Start thinking about how strong he was 91 years old, 74 years after dropping out electrical... Gets twice the husband but only half the income sang some funny songs patients. Until one team brought out their secret weapon a six-foot-six behemoth of a night is... Was fantastic lawyer? n't you put your money where your mouth is, '' replies the beam to regular!, Well, the darndest thing happened, said the balloonist, `` no.., or start a new search to explore more stock photos and images available, or start new! The work surface have photos of software engineer drinking gin more stock and. % discount antique auction and three engineers were were waiting to buy tickets for a sphere the. Can hardly find it funny while lying in your bed or watering plants... Lousy, but first Ill check my email the Bad, the darndest thing happened, said the balloonist ``. Station, each lawyer bought a ticket whereas the engineers three or four hens! To put the bills back on the second day though years later the company contacted regarding. Because youll never know when you think youre at the nervous system secrets are safe with your friends having... Are over, picked up the time required for each task, then multiply the sum by pi road day... One liner tags: attitude, motivational, retirement, work having an engineer a! Best treatment at the base of a flagpole his high school diploma when he got shocked I Heard it the... Did you get it?, Well, the Terrible, Fun:! Night out is sitting on the site roast him at his retirement your. Diagnosed with A. Golfers never retire, they just wipe the slate clean or four young?...
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